I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
