My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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