That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
