I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
