so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
