so that wasnt chicken after all
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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