dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
