is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
