The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I believe in your delicious
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
