census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
