8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They took my balls.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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