It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
