I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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