now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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