my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize