you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
