I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
