There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
