She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
