he wants to bone in the snuggie
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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