im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
