how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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