Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
