I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
