you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
