thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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