capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
