What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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