she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Damn victory sex feels great
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
