And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
