while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
