There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
