Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
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Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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