if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Two words: blizzard sex
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So apparently I’m into choking now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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