It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
