checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize