You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
