My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
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why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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