Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
