I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
