I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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