I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
