you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
