Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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