I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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