I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
