Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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