You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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