I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
