I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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