I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
