Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
