youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
