i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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