I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
