I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
