his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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