I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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