Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
