I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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