Ambien. No doubt about it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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