Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
