this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
