I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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