I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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