my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
