I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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