I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
