Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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