She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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