Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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