I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
